Nothing lasts forever - isn't that great?
What’s the point? Why spend so many hours painting portraits that will soon be destroyed? Why put so much effort into a “passion” that nobody cares about? What’s the point when none of us, or our art will matter in the end anyways?
Hold up!!! Don't leave ~ I promise that this article isn’t [entirely] nihilistic! :)
Whether we are talking about my edible cookie paintings, rotting self portraits, or my other various experiments - I have always been fascinated with my relationship with perishability. I have always struggled with the impermanence of everything I seemed to touch. No friendship seems to last, I fall out of love, pets die. My family falls apart, my name changes, my nationality is sacrificed to immigrate, and my tray of strawberries in the fridge inevitably grows mould before I can finish them. Life just seemed like a cruel game of getting me attached, just to pull the rug when I was at my lowest! And as silly as it might sound - I still think about how hurt I was when my childhood “BFF” (that last F means forever, btw) told me that we weren’t friends anymore… Ouch :’(
And my unhealthy relationship with perishability developed into toxic and harmful coping mechanisms. Similar to the mould growing on some of my portraits, it bloomed into something that consumed me and made me into an abusive person. I had attachment issues and became terrified of losing anything. Ironically, my harmful coping mechanisms and a myriad of other (at that time) undiagnosed issues sent me to the emergency on two separate occasions for attempted suicide.
But over the years, my journey of healing brought a new light of clarity to my eyes. I was finally able to leave a painful and drawn out relationship, seek therapy, and get help. I met new communities and people who were much more supportive of who I was, and what I wanted to be. I was able to return to my passion of painting, and I was able to start closing wounds that felt decades scarred over. I was even able to grow strong enough to publicly come out as queer and I felt even stronger for it. So what was that new light of clarity? That magical new perspective? It's simple, really:
“Nothing lasts forever, isn’t that great?”
The fact that nothing lasts forever means that bad memories will perish, and even our favourite moments pass making way for new and unexpected experiences. You lose friends, sure; but then you have time to meet new people who make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Old relationships fade away and new ones bloom. One door closes, another opens… Letting go is the hardest thing I had to learn, but having faith in the world and the humanity of others - having faith in myself - made this leap something I would not trade for anything else. My perishable paintings aren’t a symbol of my struggles, but rather the celebration of my newfound perspective. Learning to let go has given me a new place to stand, and I am surrounded by SO MUCH love now that it almost hurts. Life is short, so let's make it sweet <3 Be queer! Pursue arts! Embrace that nothing lasts. Because I promise, you can let go.
KC Bae’s Perishability is currently on exhibition in the +15 Galleries at Arts Commons. You can view this exhibition, and the many other artists featured in the Arts Commons Galleries for free! For more information, visit artscommons.ca/galleries.
